Tidbits and Changes

5/10/09 I have nineteen days from today until the day I leave. Packed into that ever-shrinking amount of time is a whole lot of things that must or need to be accomplished. That list includes school-related things, like making final exams and reviewing students for those exams and sorting books back into the book room, but it also includes non-school-related items, like taking pictures that we haven't taken before (because we didn't want to look touristy), swapping pictures back and forth between computers, and exchanging addresses and such. Interpersonal stuff.

Well, the kids have completely lost it. Since the end of spring break, it's been getting steadily worse. They know that summer's approaching, and they cannot wait to get out of school and back out onto the streets to play all day where they've played after school all year. I feel for our elementary teachers, because the kids have been quite unmanageable--they won't behave OR do their work. My kids have been better, but they keep pushing and pushing and pushing, behavior-wise. Silly children. The rules still apply, even when we're near the end. (Hmm. I wonder if there's a possible spiritual application in that thought. I'll explore that later. Maybe.) Pray for us to keep our sanity and our patience with our kids in the last week of classes, please. We appreciate it!

I have changed a lot this last year. If you've followed my blog during this year, you probably already know that. If you're a reader of the Lake Union Herald, you probably already know that. But the change has been so much more than what I could put into the written--and probably the spoken, also--word. Words are too vague for the depth of the experience, it seems, and that's difficult for someone whose life seems immersed in words. I have tried my best to convey the impressions about Ebeye and lessons about myself that I have gained and learned this year, and I hope that you have enjoyed reading my updates. Some have been boring, probably, and others have probably been too long for the busy lives I know everyone leads, but I hope that the tidbits of news I could pass along have been well received.

Last March and April, I sat in my student missions class, listening, taking notes, etc., The coordinators did a great job--they even got former student missionaries to come and speak to us. I sat there and listened as one SM after another said pretty much the same thing: "I changed so much. It was the best year of my life." And I cynically thought (yes, I am quite capable of cynical thoughts), "Okay. Fine and dandy. I know I'll change. I changed during the other trips I've been on. I'm expecting to change."

Ha. I still didn't know how MUCH I'd change, and about March or so, I realized why all those former SMs seemed to say the same thing: the words are too vague for the depth of the experience. I know I already typed that above, but it's true. I'm pretty sure that, a year from now, I'll BE one of those former SMs who are quite eloquently tongue-tied about their experience. Life isn't about slipping into the role of a missionary from time to time, but about being one. Life isn't about being in foreign missions (because a person can work at home, too), but about not being foreign to missions. (Oh, how I love prepositions!) It's not just a cause to rally around, but a lifestyle to be lived.

Just some thoughts, 'tis all.

More later.

Ashlee