First Week of the Last Part of Fourth Quarter

4/16/09 We plunged into the last part of the fourth quarter of the school year this week. All the students were (of course) most thrilled to be back in their classrooms, ready and willing and wanting to tackle the challenges that English and math and history and what not came their way (for the most part, I unfortunately kid--and wish). Certainly I was ready to be in the classroom. As with the other break, I discovered that I had missed being in the classroom with the kids, even though I had enjoyed my time off. I had gotten to sleep in every day, and had gotten to practice my cooking (yes, I'm composing that grocery list, Mom!).

Six weeks. That's all I have left before I get onto the ferry and take it to Kwaj so I can board a plane and fly back to the States. There are four or so weeks left of classes and finals, and then I spend a week or so here so that I can pack and go to graduation. Blessedly, I am neither the eighth-grade or twelfth-grade sponsor, and so I don't have to fret about graduation preparations. Instead, I get to sort and clean and such. I also plan to write a letter to the person who will replace. I figure that's the kindest thing I could do, considering that it might give the new English teacher a foothold--giving them information about what has been studied and what not. I don't know if it would be helpful, but I figure it's something I can do. (Hopefully I remember to do it!)

The definition of the fourth stage of culture makes me wonder. I think I've reached it. (Not everyone has, but that's a different, much longer, story.) The fourth stage is acceptance--where one supposedly feels satisfied about their work, makes friends (or, at least, the friendships you've been working on begin to work better), and starts to "fit in" better.

I'm not sure I can say that I'm fully satisfied with my work. I am, mostly. One, I'm not done yet (there are, after all, six more weeks). Two, I have done the best possible job I could have (and will continue to do my best). I'm pretty sure that God doesn't ask for anything less than my best effort, and that He covers what I have missed. Granted, there may have been times where I could have acted differently or whatever, but since there's no practical nor useful form of time-travel (except reading), there's no going back. I can't change what has already transpired. I can only change how I react to things (and one of the reactions that comes a bit more readily now is getting on my knees). So, I may not be completely satisfied, but I am contented.

Yes, I believe there's a difference. I looked up the definitions on my handy dandy dictionary, and satisfaction is supposedly contained within contentment. (Which seems to suggest that you can be contented without being completely satisfied.) However, the main difference I think comes from the thesaurus: both words share synonyms, but contentment has one that satisfaction does not. That synonym is peace. Yes, the difference is that satisfaction may not include peace, but contentment usually does.

I do not claim to fully understand all this; I'm just offering up my observations on the matter. I can't claim, as Paul did, that I have learned to be content no matter what. But I can say that it's a far sight easier now than it was eight and a half months ago. I know that I was supposed to come to Ebeye--I grow more and more assured of that fact--and the more I grow assured, the more contented I feel. The best way I can describe it is that how I feel doesn't make sense. I've got the same daily hassles that I did during the rejection stage of culture shock; I've got many of the same hassles that I had to deal with as a college student. It doesn't make sense that I can have all the daily irritations, frustrations, and difficulties still all happen and still end up smiling and praising God.

I know, this sounds a bit...different from my previous post. Don't worry, it DOES fit in. In fact, I've found why it doesn't make sense. Grab your Bible and I'll show you why. Got it? Good. Check out Philippians 4:6-7. It reads, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Yeah. That's why I don't completely get it, for it surpasses my understanding. It has something to do with God, and love, and joy coming from (or through) simple things. It comes from God taking me by the hand and showing me new things every day, whether it's something new about myself or an insight into one of my fellow missionaries or one of my students or just a breathtaking sunrise.

So, as excited as I am to be headed back, as excited as I am to be going back to Timber Ridge, as excited as I am to be going back to Southern in August, I will still miss Ebeye. I hope and pray that I will keep what I have gained, and not gain what I have lost (both personally and physically). I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends and having them meet the me I now am--but I will miss the hot, sticky, small and narrow (but yet so wide, in some aspects), crazily sane place that is Ebeye, Marshall Islands.

More later.