A view of the school from across the street



My class president, Sue, running the Hit the Cans game. (Don't you like my chalkboard and my handwriting?)

School Carnival, "Summertime," and Some Thoughts

4/28/09 We had our School Carnival on Monday. I was stressed at first, mostly because my sophomores had only blearily looked at me when I tried to talk about it during school the week before, and none of them had returned the letters I supposedly sent to the parents (which I don't know if they ever arrived or not; my students aren't the most reliable postal service). But we set up our "Hit the Cans" game, and we eventually raked in about $74 worth of tickets and ran out of prizes at about 1:30 PM. The school, overall, made about fifteen hundred dollars for the PTA, partially because we held the carnival on a Monday after Kwaj payday. If I can, I will post some Carnival pictures.

The kids have already switched into summer mode, and the juniors have gotten into the annoying habit of asking me in a sing-song voice, "What time is it?" like they were the lead characters of High School Musical 2. Argh. I just smile, laugh, and tell that it's not summertime (since the reply in the song is "It's summertime."). They think that's hilariously funny, when I answer like that. The seniors have a bad case of senioritis, and we teachers have to keep reminding them that this is not the time to start slacking off and not turning in work--they don't want to end up in summer school if they fail.

I write this the day before it officially becomes one month before I leave (it won't hit four weeks until May 2), and it's hard to believe that I'm already near the end of my year on Ebeye. Well, it's not a complete year, but it's close enough. We're finishing up midterm report cards and plugging through our last twelve days of classes. (I wonder if there's a song about that.) Twelve. You read me correctly. We have twelve days of class left, then two days of finals. Then a week in which to clean up the classroom, return books to the book room, and draw up grades--then graduation. Two days after graduation, I get on the noon boat, ferry over to Kwaj, and check into the airport. Everything we're doing is sliding toward the end, and I feel as if I have a lot more left that I could do. I have done my best, but still. I know that I was supposed to be here this year, and I am glad of it.

More later.

Inconvenience (plus a thank you for boxes!)

4-20-09 First of all, a big THANK YOU to Mom for the three boxes I received on Friday. The steak sauce surprised, and the size sixteen jeans fit! Everything else is also much appreciated--especially the raisins and Pringles (I was surprised by them, too). Thanks a bunch!

Second, I want to share this story with you: I was walking to our AY meeting on Saturday afternoon. The wind whipped my skirt against my legs (at least it wasn't a day when the wind makes me glad I wear shorts underneath my skirt) and my shirt rippled across my stomach, and I thought, "How terribly inconvenient is it that I've lost so much weight here. Nice, but inconvenient."

Inconvenience, as defined by my handy dandy computer dictionary, is "trouble or difficulty caused to one's personal requirements or comfort." My weight loss can be considered inconvenient because of the lack of readily buyable clothes to replace my beginning-to-be-too-big wardrobe, which causes me to wear the clothes I brought with me in August (which do not fit and thus, flap in the wind). Despite the inconvenience, I still chose to lose weight because it's a change I wanted to make. My desire outweighed the inconvenience (though I will love to wear clothes that fit again!), and made my decision to lose weight easy, yet difficult.

Then a profound thought struck me (rather than the sort-of vain one I had just been having). The profound thought was that anything that effects great change is, at least at first, inconvenient. No, strike that. Anything that introduces great change is inconvenient. New ideas, upheavals of people, wars, etc., usually seem to be inconvenient, whether or not they affected great change. (That is not what I'm arguing here.)

The greatest change for the human race came when Jesus chose to descend from heaven, live among us, and die for us. Think about it. Jesus traded omnipotence for the strength of a carpenter's arm, a throne for a manger, being the King of the universe to being a peasant (from being Ruler to being ruled), and having the adoration of the universe for the scorn, hatred, and rejection at the hands of beings He'd created. Taken from a purely Earth-bound human viewpoint, that was a terribly inconvenient choice.

But check out John 17:24: "Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world" (NKJV, bolding mine). Jesus' desire to save us outweighed the inconvenience of coming down to live and die among us. His desire to have us with Him affected His choice--it's why He came, it's why He lived here for thirty-three and a half years, it's why He died to save us--so we could be with Him forever. Anyone who has read the account of Jesus in Gethsemane can see that it was a difficult decision for the Man Jesus, but an easy one for the God who loved us so much that He made us despite the knowledge that we would trangress His law and separate ourselves from Him. Jesus made a tough choice because His desire outweighed the inconvenience. It was a change He wanted to make--a great change, one that required great and terrible inconvenience to Himself--but wasn't it worth it?

More later.

First Week of the Last Part of Fourth Quarter

4/16/09 We plunged into the last part of the fourth quarter of the school year this week. All the students were (of course) most thrilled to be back in their classrooms, ready and willing and wanting to tackle the challenges that English and math and history and what not came their way (for the most part, I unfortunately kid--and wish). Certainly I was ready to be in the classroom. As with the other break, I discovered that I had missed being in the classroom with the kids, even though I had enjoyed my time off. I had gotten to sleep in every day, and had gotten to practice my cooking (yes, I'm composing that grocery list, Mom!).

Six weeks. That's all I have left before I get onto the ferry and take it to Kwaj so I can board a plane and fly back to the States. There are four or so weeks left of classes and finals, and then I spend a week or so here so that I can pack and go to graduation. Blessedly, I am neither the eighth-grade or twelfth-grade sponsor, and so I don't have to fret about graduation preparations. Instead, I get to sort and clean and such. I also plan to write a letter to the person who will replace. I figure that's the kindest thing I could do, considering that it might give the new English teacher a foothold--giving them information about what has been studied and what not. I don't know if it would be helpful, but I figure it's something I can do. (Hopefully I remember to do it!)

The definition of the fourth stage of culture makes me wonder. I think I've reached it. (Not everyone has, but that's a different, much longer, story.) The fourth stage is acceptance--where one supposedly feels satisfied about their work, makes friends (or, at least, the friendships you've been working on begin to work better), and starts to "fit in" better.

I'm not sure I can say that I'm fully satisfied with my work. I am, mostly. One, I'm not done yet (there are, after all, six more weeks). Two, I have done the best possible job I could have (and will continue to do my best). I'm pretty sure that God doesn't ask for anything less than my best effort, and that He covers what I have missed. Granted, there may have been times where I could have acted differently or whatever, but since there's no practical nor useful form of time-travel (except reading), there's no going back. I can't change what has already transpired. I can only change how I react to things (and one of the reactions that comes a bit more readily now is getting on my knees). So, I may not be completely satisfied, but I am contented.

Yes, I believe there's a difference. I looked up the definitions on my handy dandy dictionary, and satisfaction is supposedly contained within contentment. (Which seems to suggest that you can be contented without being completely satisfied.) However, the main difference I think comes from the thesaurus: both words share synonyms, but contentment has one that satisfaction does not. That synonym is peace. Yes, the difference is that satisfaction may not include peace, but contentment usually does.

I do not claim to fully understand all this; I'm just offering up my observations on the matter. I can't claim, as Paul did, that I have learned to be content no matter what. But I can say that it's a far sight easier now than it was eight and a half months ago. I know that I was supposed to come to Ebeye--I grow more and more assured of that fact--and the more I grow assured, the more contented I feel. The best way I can describe it is that how I feel doesn't make sense. I've got the same daily hassles that I did during the rejection stage of culture shock; I've got many of the same hassles that I had to deal with as a college student. It doesn't make sense that I can have all the daily irritations, frustrations, and difficulties still all happen and still end up smiling and praising God.

I know, this sounds a bit...different from my previous post. Don't worry, it DOES fit in. In fact, I've found why it doesn't make sense. Grab your Bible and I'll show you why. Got it? Good. Check out Philippians 4:6-7. It reads, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Yeah. That's why I don't completely get it, for it surpasses my understanding. It has something to do with God, and love, and joy coming from (or through) simple things. It comes from God taking me by the hand and showing me new things every day, whether it's something new about myself or an insight into one of my fellow missionaries or one of my students or just a breathtaking sunrise.

So, as excited as I am to be headed back, as excited as I am to be going back to Timber Ridge, as excited as I am to be going back to Southern in August, I will still miss Ebeye. I hope and pray that I will keep what I have gained, and not gain what I have lost (both personally and physically). I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends and having them meet the me I now am--but I will miss the hot, sticky, small and narrow (but yet so wide, in some aspects), crazily sane place that is Ebeye, Marshall Islands.

More later.

Spring Break Musings, Mostly

4-8-09 First of all, I would like to wish my parents a very happy birthday. Mom's birthday was last Friday (don't worry, I've already told her multiple times happy birthday near the date), and Dad's birthday is today. Happy birthday to the both of you!

We've been on spring break this week, and let me tell you, it has been a very much appreciated and needed break. I don't completely understand what makes students so antsy, but I was glad when they were sent home after school last Wednesday for break. I also don't understand completely why break is in the first full week of April, considering that there is only five weeks and two days left of classes when we start school back up on Monday. Five weeks, two days of finals, and then ten days until I fly out from the airport on Kwajalein. You can do the math if you want. I haven't beyond what is written right there.

I haven't done much during break--a lot of sleeping, anyway, and I've cleaned and made meals and gone shopping and such. Just the routine minus teaching every day, for the most part. The seniors, Jhan Dale, Jordan, and Megan have been on the senior class trip to Pohnpei, and so I have been putting my new-learned cooking skills to the test this week. I am very thankful that Megan has been here--my meals this week have been, I think, generally good. And that's exciting.

I have done a lot of thinking, though. We were at vespers last Friday night and sang the hymn, "Trust and Obey." Now, I've known most of that song for a very long time, and I've definitely known the chorus by memory since childhood. The chorus is as follows, "Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." I don't know how many times I've sung that song, but I do know one thing most definitely: it's true.

When I was in India, I learned that trust and joy are connected, but I hadn't figured out HOW they were connected or WHY they were connected. Well, here on Ebeye, I have learned that trust and joy are connected through obedience. My handy-dandy computer dictionary defines "obedience" as a noun that means "the compliance with someone's wishes or orders or acknowledgment of their authority." Since I have spent at least most of the year explaining definitions to students, my mind mentally translates this into "doing what someone higher than us tells us to do." Nowhere in either definition says that the obey-er knows why they have been told to do what they're doing. Certainly, sometimes they are told, but I think it's on a need-to-know basis.

The word "trust," however, has two interesting aspects to it. One, its first definition in my handy-dandy dictionary is "the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something." That's all well and good, but then I get down to where it talks about the history of the word--my dictionary says that its origin is in Middle English, but that it's originally from the Old Norse word traust, from traustr, or 'strong.' When I discovered this, I was in India and studying one of the Psalms where it talks about man putting his trust in the Lord. In my mind, that phrase coupled with the origin of the word would mean that a person is putting their strength in the Lord.

So, when people trust God, they are putting their strength in Him. They believe that He is strong. He may not always tell them why He's told them to do something, but they trust Him and do it anyway. They obey. I am convinced that God has us do things that are in and for our best interests. He truly does have our best interest at heart, and, so, when we obey, it's an enjoyable thing. Granted, that's not always the case, for many times when we obey, things don't go the way we wanted to, or the reaction we wished for isn't the reaction that occurred. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't doing the easy thing. Sometimes we privately think, "I don't understand. Why is God doing this? Is He crazy?" Sometimes we ask people the same questions. Hopefully we ask God.

While I was pondering all this, I thought of the prophet Jeremiah. That man had it rough, in my opinion. He's chosen by God and given a message that God tells him to proclaim, but also tells him that people will not accept--and because they won't accept the message, they'll also reject the prophet. From all I've read, Jeremiah was a young guy when God told him all that--and let me tell you, young people (myself included) want to be liked and accepted, so that was probably tough to hear. Years later, Jeremiah is hanging out in a prison in a besieged Jerusalem, and God comes to him and says, "Hey, Jeremiah, redeem the field that your cousin comes to ask you to redeem." (At least, I believe that's the gist of what the Lord told him.) Jeremiah does so. He trusts God, so he obeys.

But Jeremiah doesn't understand. As soon as the transaction is completed, he prays to God for understanding. It's a good long prayer, too, found in Jeremiah 32:17-25. For the most part, Jeremiah is asking, "God, I don't understand. You've had me proclaiming that this city, that this land, is going to fall to the Chaldeans. The place is surrounded by siege mounds, what You've decreed is going to take place. But You had me buy a field! Why, God? Are you crazy? The city's about to fall!"

God understands that we cannot see all that He sees. I think He knows that when we ask if He's crazy, we really mean that we are confused about the whys and hows of the situation (things that God excels in). God comes to Jeremiah, and says, "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?" (Jeremiah 32: 27). In my mind, it's like God saying, "Jeremiah, I'm not crazy. I know what I'm doing. Just trust me. In fact, Me telling you to buy that field is a GOOD thing. It's something to rejoice about. Let Me tell you why..." and so God tells Jeremiah that his people will come back to the land.

Joy despite siege mounds and looming captivity. Obedience despite human misgivings and misunderstandings. Trust despite possible signs for the contrary.

How else would Jeremiah be able to proclaim in the midst of weeping that God's faithfulness is great (Lamentations 3:23)? How else would he have survived through being imprisoned and rejected and hated for the unpopular message he proclaimed? How else, but that God strengthened him because he put his strength in the Lord? How else, but that Jeremiah obeyed even when it didn't seem like it was the smartest thing to do?

God tells us things on a need-to-know basis. I think that it's partially because we couldn't handle all the details at once. He does it for our own good, for our best interests. The more of ourselves we give to Him, the more of ourselves He gives back to us more fully alive. The more we put our strength in Him, the less we have to worry about everything. He takes care of it. (That doesn't mean we should sit back and let God do everything; God does expect us to do our part, but that isn't what I'm talking about at the moment.) He lets me deal with what I can deal with, and then He says, "I've got you covered. Now relax and be joyful!"

I don't know if I can accurately put what I'm thinking into the written word. But check out the lyrics of "Trust and Obey." I think they aptly describe what I'm talking about. After all, it's where the idea was clinched for me.

What all this thinking translates into is trying to live my life in that way, trying to live where I put my strength in God (where I trust Him), where I obey what He says, and then live through Him with whatever happens and get the joy that comes through Him and not through anything else. If I am receiving joy from the True Source of joy, then I don't need to let misbehaving children or bad news or whatever dictate my feelings and my days. I can be joyful despite the Enemy's siege mounds because I can obey whether I understand or not, and because I can trust whether I see or not. And that's applicable both here on Ebeye and at home.

More later.